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That awkward moment between birth and death lmao

My wife wants kids. I don't. She secretly got her IUD removed. So I secretly got a vasectomy.

I'm stuck in this cycle between thinking I'm down right hideous and thinking I'm…

*At restaurant* Me: Don't be awkward, don't be awkward. Waitress: How's the food? Me: Yes

Most girls match their shoes to their purse..... I match my hoodie to my converse.

I think the actual moment of growing up happens when you stop wanting to grow up and start wishing you were a kid again.

Our generation will be the weirdest grandparents...

Valentine's Day is around the corner So if you're secretly in love with me, Now would be the time to Speak up!

I'm completely dependent on the other person in a conversation. I'm terrible at continuing the conversation.