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I'm at that awkward age where my friends are pregnant or getting married and I'm still quoting spongebob

Lol grab your cats, chocolate, and tissues because Valentines Day is coming up!

Only 23 and I'm already feeling like an old lady who shakes her fist at hooligans, while trying to not break a hip.

Nurse: are you sexually active? Mom: well? Me: did you know It takes about 142.18 licks to reach the center of a Tootsie pop.

"I've been telling my coworkers I'm so happy in the morning because my girl Mary. My boss just invited Mary to our christmas party. Mary isn't real. Mary is my weed......"

I'm having an abortion next week. I used two forms of birth control that failed. I'm an adult with a good job. I simply do not want children yet.

That awkward moment when you hold the door for someone, and it ends up being the 3 students, 8 teachers, several aliens and the stampede that killed Mufasa.