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Once you have truly felt the pain of your past and accepted the feeling that makes you think you can't hold on anymore you can then feel that tiny shred of strength to pick yourself and move on. Don't revisit it, don't use it as an excuse. Just move on.
Jesus died for you, knowing you might never love Him back. Admit to God you are a sinner. Believe that Jesus is God's Son. Confess your faith in Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord. Read/study your Bible. Live every day for Jesus Christ. God sent His Son Jesus to die on the cross to forgive you where you have sinned and went against God. We learn that in John 3:16. God bless you all!!!!!!!!!!:) Heaven or hell. I believe this is where the two choices of eternity are. God bless❤️