Finding out my mother was narcissistic… after the initial shock wore off, I began to feel an enormous sense of relief! I had answers to so many unexplainable situations. I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was not the problem; my mother was. I hadn't failed my mother; she had failed me!
After I discovered that my mother was narcissistic, I wanted to tell her in the worst way. I wanted her to see all the emotional damage that she caused with her lies & twisted perceptions. I wanted an acknowledgement of the mean, cruel & hurtful things she had said & done to me. I also wanted an apology! I felt like it was the least she could do.
Healing from having a narcissistic parent is like being on an emotional roller coaster. You may blame yourself for allowing your parent to abuse you. Don't blame yourself & realize that things couldn't have been any different. The pattern was already there. You may never have been exposed to any other way of life & didn't even realize there was a problem. How could you have fixed anything without being aware that it was broken?
Healing damage from having a narcissistic parent is like being on an emotional roller coaster. You may question how or why you allowed them to treat you so horribly. "Why didn't I stand up for myself?" Don't blame yourself. You are not weak. Dysfunction was all you knew & now you know better.
To begin the healing process, you must begin to stand up for yourself & set boundaries. Your parent will become angry. They sense their control over you is slipping away. They will look for reasons for your new "behavior". "Who has gotten into your head? Why are you treating me this way after all I've done / sacrificed for you?"
Narcissists won't admit to being a narcissist! Narcissists never admit to being wrong, let alone being narcissistic. Don't try to convince or show them the error of their ways. You will be fighting a losing battle. They will never see it no matter what you think you can prove.
Narcissists never admit to being wrong about anything! Don't try to convince or show them the error of their ways. You will be fighting a losing battle. A narcissist will never admit to being narcissistic, no matter how much you believe that you can prove it to them!