Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down.  That's like shooting someone then telling them to not bleed.

Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. That's like shooting someone then telling them to not bleed.

“Mommy, watch this!!!” is the toddler equivalent of “Hold my beer.” It usually means something stupid and dangerous is about to take place.

“Mommy, watch this!!!” is the toddler equivalent of “Hold my beer.” It usually means something stupid and dangerous is about to take place.

Only Southerners know the difference between Redneck and White Trash! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  ☀CQ #southern #quotes #ecards

Only Southerners know the difference between Redneck and White Trash! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ☀CQ #southern #quotes #ecards

"Kiss my ass! You cheated on me in my dream last night and I'm not over it!"    This sounds like my husband, not me.

"Kiss my ass! You cheated on me in my dream last night and I'm not over it!" This sounds like my husband, not me.

I'm not calling you a 'slut'. I am calling you a 'penny'-because you are two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

I'm not calling you a 'slut'. I am calling you a 'penny'-because you are two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

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