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You don't have to write comedy...

You don't have to write comedy...

Just keep mugging and you'll do fine.  You're bound to steal someone else's act sooner or later.

Just keep mugging and you'll do fine. You're bound to steal someone else's act sooner or later.

I like gays too, as long as they don't jump me in an alley and do the butt thing.

I like gays too, as long as they don't jump me in an alley and do the butt thing.

An open-mic comedian accused me of stealing his entire set-list.  I'm sorry.

An open-mic comedian accused me of stealing his entire set-list. I'm sorry.

I strive for originality.

I strive for originality.

Don't be afraid to offend an audience.  If they paid to see a show, they WANT to remember someone ruined their night!  Plus they might name drop you on a Yelp review!  FREE ADVERTISING!

Don't be afraid to offend an audience. If they paid to see a show, they WANT to remember someone ruined their night! Plus they might name drop you on a Yelp review! FREE ADVERTISING!

Hey, it looks like a Nike commercial in here!

Hey, it looks like a Nike commercial in here!

Don't get caught up in the sensitivity of the recently deceased.  Pay your respects by making a joke, and more importantly, beating everyone else to it!

Don't get caught up in the sensitivity of the recently deceased. Pay your respects by making a joke, and more importantly, beating everyone else to it!

#2 and #3 are JEWELS.  You can always make the audience feel like they missed something with a simple, "It's a thinker" tag.  They're not laughing, but you can make them feel stupid, and rightly so.  They don't GET YOU.  You should always have a rambling conversation saved on your phone- comedy fans will swarm the clubs for that kind of connection.

#2 and #3 are JEWELS. You can always make the audience feel like they missed something with a simple, "It's a thinker" tag. They're not laughing, but you can make them feel stupid, and rightly so. They don't GET YOU. You should always have a rambling conversation saved on your phone- comedy fans will swarm the clubs for that kind of connection.

I don't want to take credit for my originality, but Tom Cruise had it coming.

I don't want to take credit for my originality, but Tom Cruise had it coming.

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