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Heather and I were sitting in the living room discussing a living will. I said, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If...

Heather and I were sitting in the living room discussing a living will. I said, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If...

Only in America do we accept weather predictions from a rodent but deny climate change evidence by scientists.

Only in America do we accept weather predictions from a rodent but deny climate change evidence by scientists.

When I was a boy, my Sunday school teacher was telling us about the Ten Commandments. She explained the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother." Then she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters? I said, "Thou shall not kill."

When I was a boy, my Sunday school teacher was telling us about the Ten Commandments. She explained the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother." Then she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters? I said, "Thou shall not kill."

I think I'm going to buy an RV and pay extra to make it amphibious. That way, if I want to go to Hawaii, Aruba, any beautiful island, I can just drive there. Or, I could buy a boat.

I think I'm going to buy an RV and pay extra to make it amphibious. That way, if I want to go to Hawaii, Aruba, any beautiful island, I can just drive there. Or, I could buy a boat.

This season, the producers of "The Bachelor" decided to increase the number of contestants to 30, up from 25. One man surrounded by 30 women, all vying for his time. In Utah, we just call that fami...

This season, the producers of "The Bachelor" decided to increase the number of contestants to 30, up from 25. One man surrounded by 30 women, all vying for his time. In Utah, we just call that fami...

Its so cold here that we have to stop using our silverware. My wife still has a fork stuck to her tongue.

Its so cold here that we have to stop using our silverware. My wife still has a fork stuck to her tongue.

It was so cold here, hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs. Not exactly the truth. In Utah, we were completely robbed of our winter. Other than the cold, we only had two snow storms! Two! ...

It was so cold here, hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs. Not exactly the truth. In Utah, we were completely robbed of our winter. Other than the cold, we only had two snow storms! Two! ...

I used to work for the Air Force. One day, the chief came into our office and told the guy with the shredder, "I have a very important document. Looking at the shredder, he asked," How do you work ...

I used to work for the Air Force. One day, the chief came into our office and told the guy with the shredder, "I have a very important document. Looking at the shredder, he asked," How do you work ...

My wife is a runner. She's not very fast, though. She almost escaped from me three times.

My wife is a runner. She's not very fast, though. She almost escaped from me three times.

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