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Unfortunately, my daydreams about being skinny are always interrupted by the sound of my own chewing.

Ah, this is for my friend Mike SC.

MAXINE Ever notice that the people who tell you to calm down are the ones who got you mad in the first place

People who say, "I can't complain." just aren't trying.

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Any one of my cats sheds more than all my dogs put together! Why do only dogs come with the warning of may shed a lot??

maxine | Maxine ...

I put a little viagra in Santa's cookies and milk. Let's see him get up that chimney now!!