The House on Michaelmas Ave - a short story by Lee Hayton

Inspired by the marvelous house listing on Zillow. No, I definitely don't want to ask about the upstairs tenant.
It says in my listing notes that this is the spare room for arms and legs but I really don't see any...   Oh! Furniture. Of course.  Lots of spare sofas arms and chair legs here, if you need them.

It says in my listing notes that this is the spare room for arms and legs but I really don't see any... Oh! Furniture. Of course. Lots of spare sofas arms and chair legs here, if you need them.

Mm. I'd heard some folks say that they've seen the face of God in a Dorito but I don't see how you could possible see a demon staring up at you from the shower floor. Are you alright, sir? Would you like to step inside the cubicle so I can pour some cold water on you? Yes, that's right. Just like that. Good boy. Step inside.

Mm. I'd heard some folks say that they've seen the face of God in a Dorito but I don't see how you could possible see a demon staring up at you from the shower floor. Are you alright, sir? Would you like to step inside the cubicle so I can pour some cold water on you? Yes, that's right. Just like that. Good boy. Step inside.

Evidence of more upgrades to the premises. Pull that cord and see how quickly the fan responds.  Go on, pull it. I said, go on. Pull. It.

Evidence of more upgrades to the premises. Pull that cord and see how quickly the fan responds. Go on, pull it. I said, go on. Pull. It.

So, this is the rear cottage. It's another original building dating back to the same time period as the main complex. Oh, and look. Over there by the window you can see the original tiles. So authentic. They used to be all over the floor, of course. Do you? No, I can't see where it looks like they exploded up as some underground demon brushed it's overheated back against the floor. Quite the imagination you have there, sir.

So, this is the rear cottage. It's another original building dating back to the same time period as the main complex. Oh, and look. Over there by the window you can see the original tiles. So authentic. They used to be all over the floor, of course. Do you? No, I can't see where it looks like they exploded up as some underground demon brushed it's overheated back against the floor. Quite the imagination you have there, sir.

But why would anybody need a ladder to escape? Of course, you can leave at any time. If you wanted to leave. You don't want to leave, DO you sir?

But why would anybody need a ladder to escape? Of course, you can leave at any time. If you wanted to leave. You don't want to leave, DO you sir?

Yes, the upstairs tenant does go through quite a lot of appliances. I've found, over the years, it's best not to ask him too many questions. After all, it's not like he's paying rent so you can ask him silly prying questions all the time.  Or rather, it's just not like he's paying rent.

Yes, the upstairs tenant does go through quite a lot of appliances. I've found, over the years, it's best not to ask him too many questions. After all, it's not like he's paying rent so you can ask him silly prying questions all the time. Or rather, it's just not like he's paying rent.

See. There's an unobstructed path back to the road. I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at your baseless concerns.

See. There's an unobstructed path back to the road. I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at your baseless concerns.

Another fine example of the house's wiring. Look at it hanging there! Carrying electricity to where it's meant to go, no problem.

Another fine example of the house's wiring. Look at it hanging there! Carrying electricity to where it's meant to go, no problem.

Your eyes need checking, sir, if you'll forgive the observation. Blood would be MUCH darker, almost crimson, even in this strong light. Even fetal blood, and who can afford that, these days?

Your eyes need checking, sir, if you'll forgive the observation. Blood would be MUCH darker, almost crimson, even in this strong light. Even fetal blood, and who can afford that, these days?

That's the upstairs unit, currently occupied. I'm not allowed to show you around up there, sir. It would be against the terms of the pact I have with the tenant. I mean, deal. Sorry, I mean contract. The tenancy "agreement" if you will.   No, sir. There's no security deposit and no rent is being paid.   Well, that's up to you, but I most certainly would not recommend that you "deal with him, yourself."

That's the upstairs unit, currently occupied. I'm not allowed to show you around up there, sir. It would be against the terms of the pact I have with the tenant. I mean, deal. Sorry, I mean contract. The tenancy "agreement" if you will. No, sir. There's no security deposit and no rent is being paid. Well, that's up to you, but I most certainly would not recommend that you "deal with him, yourself."

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