"Do you ever zone out but you're aware that you're zoned out, but you're too lazy to zone back in "
""Always be positive!" *Trips down stairs* Me: Woo, I got down those stairs fast!"
"I once saw someone skipping rocks and eating a sandwich on the beach. He tossed his sandwich in the water and bit the rock and froze and I just watched him die a little inside :("
Whisper App. Confessions from dads who found out the baby wasn't theirs.
"Reminder to self: Just because you can stay up until 5 in the morning doesn't mean you should"
"*See's crush dab* Me: *sigh* Why are the pretty ones always stupid?" "
"I always control my breathing when walking up a flight of stairs so I don't seem unfit... Then I go around the corner and die "
"I know I wasn't the only weirdo teenager who used to practice their signature in case they got famous. "
"Every procrastinator ever- If tomorrow isn't the due date, Today isn't the do date."
"Scientists say the universe is made up of neutrons, protons, and electrons. They forgot to mention morons"