Don't beat yourself up for not being able to realize who he really was from the beginning. At one time or another we all fall victim to an illusion. Stay true to who you are and what you truly want and things will fall into place.
Life with any narcissist IS just AN ILLUSION. There are no true feelings behind that life on their end. They can rip your heart and feelings, your world apart around you without no warning and no remorse for what they've done.