It is strange to think that an abuser has managed to completely corrupt how you see yourself. Healing your self-esteem is about confronting that false programming, not about confronting the abuser or anyone else.
I may define “self” as the totality of the conscious and unconscious psyche, but this totality transcends our vision; it is a veritable lapis invisibilitatis [stone of invisibility]. In so far as the unconscious exists it is not definable; its existence is a mere postulate and nothing whatevercan be predicated as to its possible contents. ~Carl Jung, CW 12, Para 247.