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"The world is getting to sensitive. Soon, I won't be able to make fun of myself without offending someone "
"Dear tampon and pad companies, please make your items quieter to open. Sincerely, the entire bathroom now knows I am on my period, Thank you. "
"Why is 2016 an option when selecting your birth year? Like you fresh out the womb trying to join Gmail."
"I dropped my pen towards him so he could pick it up and we could make contact. Instead he just said, "You dropped your pen." The narrator of my life must be wincing right now."
I asked my three year old daughter to go tell her daddy to come to bed. She went up to him and said, mommy said to go to bed. One. Two. Don't make me say three!
"Me: hey guys, do you dare me to eat this whole carton of ice cream?Friends: no Me: *chuckles* this is so wild you guys. Can't believe you're making me do this"
B A R B I E DOLL GANG HOE Pinterest: @jussthatbitxh ✨Download the app #MERCARI & use my code: UZNPKU to sign up, you can get free make up & other items
To the core of my existence I hate them!
I once met johnny depp and instead of yelling i love you and shit I stared at him making a face of boringness, he saw walked up to me laughed and said i was his favorite fan